Sexologist Interview - David Moncada
For masturbation month we interviewed some amazing sexologists regarding their thoughts on masturbation, advice, and what effective sex education means to them.
Interviews were conducted in Spanish and translated and edited for clarity.
Our next sexologist is David Moncada who discussed the benefits of emotional masturbation, improving our view on sex, the differences between sexual education for genders in the past.
SVAKOM: Do you think men educate themselves sexually?
Moncada: Historically, sexual education has been differentiated by gender. In other words, those of us who identify as men did not receive the same information as those who live as women. Sex education in women has been crossed by affectivity, romantic love, and the ability to take care of others (and not so much of themselves because "that's what men are for, to take care of them"); while men have been educated from physical strength, emotional mutilation, abilities to provide pleasure to other people and, above all, from the perspective of risk (the more risky or "adventurous" the experience, the more “macho” you are)
Of course, this places us men in places of great vulnerability because we do not know how to integrate pleasure beyond the stimulation of the penis and intercourse, and because we go through various difficulties in order to arm ourselves with sexual care strategies. We have so normalized our lack of education in sexuality that even in the health systems there is a shortage of services and programs oriented to the expectations of the male gender, adding our low participation (sometimes due to lack of interest and other times due to ignorance), and the lack of personnel training and sensitizing that can provide us with these types of specialized services.
SVAKOM: Do you think we should encourage men to talk more about their sexuality and experiences?
Moncada: Of course! When we verbalize experiences and sex-experiences, we are also witnessing bits of our sexual-affective history. Men need to know about other masculine references, ones that are more real and less heroic. Women already do it: they express to themselves what they feel and how they feel, they organize and arm themselves to the teeth. Men need that. They do not have the obligation to educate us because, as the song says, "if we organize ourselves - between us - we can do everything".
In addition, every time we bet on educating ourselves on sexuality, we increase our sexual intelligence quotient. Yes, that exists and is defined as: “the capacity that a person possesses or develops to exercise their sexual life based on their level of knowledge on the subject; of the recognition and expression of their own limits, desires, feelings and needs; and respect for the sexuality of others.”
And #sexpoileralert; Unlike other cognitive skills, sexual intelligence can always be on the rise!
SVAKOM: Why do you think we should speak up during Masturbation Month?
Moncada: Because masturbation is a space open to multiple sexual-affective possibilities. The word "masturbation" comes from the Latin "masturbari", which can mean "to disturb with the hand" or "to rape with the hand" (personally, I have very little connection with these definitions).
From a sexologist’s perspective, masturbation is part of the vast universe of Behavioral Expressions of Sexuality and includes the erotic dimension (when we delight our senses) and the erotic-sexual dimension (when we seek the satisfaction of sexual desire through arousal and orgasm).
Masturbation goes beyond direct stimulation of the penis. It is to make a journey of erotic self-knowledge through the delight of the senses; it is to integrate all the sensations to give us our own definition of orgasm (if that is important to you). It is here that I coin the term “erotic masturbation” as a tribute to our emotional-self and our physical-self. Erotic masturbation is also when I perceive myself cute and sexy in front of a mirror, when I touch and smell clean sheets and when I take a bath so hot it gives me goosebumps (to give you just a few of many examples).
SVAKOM: What are some of the benefits of masturbation for people with a penis? *
Moncada: Whether or not we have a penis, people masturbate to connect/disconnect, to seek pleasurable sensations (with or without orgasm), to get rid of anxiety, out of boredom, out of habituation (better known as "routine"), out of laziness to interact sexually with other people, for comfort, to expand personal limits, for experimentation and for all those that come to mind at this time.
For those of us who have a penis, erotic masturbation invites us to explore beyond this organ... because any part of our body can be orgasmic! Like, for example, the prostate (I already created a blog entry on anal pleasure, right?)
Erotic masturbation is also a personal reserve space that contributes to adding autonomy and bodily self-determination. This means being able to say to ourselves: “this is me, this is my body and I have the right to pleasure”.
SVAKOM: Any message to the world?
Moncada: The founder of the Mexican Institute of Sexology used to say that "the largest sexual organ is the skin, the main one is the brain, and the most important are the ears (because you have to know how to listen)". So, let's not stop "holding our ears" to listen carefully to all our affective and sexual needs, that "selflove-masturbation, masturb-amor" is an evolutionary and very long-term process.
You can see more of Moncada via his Instagram here
